Dedication: The Prequel

My stepbabies:

When my husband and I met he was 11 years older than me, divorced with full custody of his 3 children (ages 3, 7 and 8 at the time). He made no comments to me at any point that when/if we were to marry that he'd like me to act as his children's mother, and I would say I had no pressure to do so. When we married I told the kids they were welcome to call me whatever they would like (as long as it was respectful). So if they wanted to continue to call me "Janelle" then that was totally ok. Within a month's time, I was "Mommy".

This is not to say that I have or had ever replaced their "real" mother. I don't think that could ever be possible, nor did I expect that.

Being a step-parent... well, it's damn hard and I think the only ones who truly understand that are the ones that have played that role. You contend with children that first realize they are not biologically connected to you and who long to have a connection with their biological parent (despite how close you may be)... when you arrive on the scene you are not molding a newborn baby, rather you are thrown into the loop with already molded minds that are used to certain ways, forms of discipline, rules, etc.

I believe that there were times when my stepkids appreciated my presence. Their dad had funny rules that I quickly put an end to. One, was the "no drinking until you finish your food" rule. I had taken B, my stepdaughter, out to lunch one day. While we sat waiting for our food I sipped my iced tea while she eyed her root beer. "B, you know you can drink that right??".. "Daddy doesn't let me before I finish my food". Me *eye roll*: "Uh... well, you know that you can always get a refill if you drink it all". Her eyes lit up... and thus I ended the silly drink rule. Othertimes it was blaringly obvious that B, the only daughter, had not had a woman's presence around in sometime. She was surprised to see that grown women had "hair down there" and didn't know you needed to place a toilet seat cover on the toilet in a public bathroom. When I gave birth to K, she was shocked and confused to see me breastfeed the new baby.

In no way have I been perfect, though.. in the early days I was quick to lose my temper and yell and easily stressed. I have vastly improved over the years to everyone's relief and have almost lost my "sailor mouth" entirely. However, I have always loved those three little hooligan's no matter what.

B, with her sassy-frassy mouth and attitude.. we would frequently bond over "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and our homemade late-night Mexican food creations. She has assisted me the last two times I have given birth, acting as a doula of sorts. Just 15 months ago I had the honor to assist her in ushering in her first baby, a sweet daughter, whom was birthed into my hands while she baptized my bare feet in a rush of amniotic fluid. I have watched B grow from an uncertain, mouthy girl to a beautiful young woman and mother. Now I have a chubby faced granddaughter to watch grow, as well.

Jr.. he is definitely his own creation. He has a passion for knowledge and a big forgiving heart. I think and worry about him daily and anticipate the day when he matures into the responsible young man that I know is waiting inside of him. These days he is into music and has found a skill for playing the guitar. He recently called up proudly to annouce he could play "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac, knowing that is one of my favorite groups and songs.

J.. my baby boy. My first baby boy, that is. When he was 4 he spent the night at my house one night and ended up sick, throwing up all over my living room floor. I did what my mother would have done for me.. bathed him and put him into my bed (much to his father's disappointment for the night ahead...). As we cuddled up together he said to me, "Danelle??" (he could never say the Ja).. "Me: "Yes, baby?", J: "Are you going to marry my daddy??", Me: "I hope so".. J: "Good, I have always wanted a Mommy". *insert aaaaaawwwwws and tears here* Despite the fact he is an ownry, arrogant, pigheaded and egotistical almost 16 year old (that is putting it lightly.. the boy is definitely full of himself!!) he still holds a special place in my heart and reminds me of that sweet little guy who would stroke my hair while asking me to marry him. Today he loves singing and is involved in a myriad of choir activities along with being an excellent football player. I know the future holds great things in store for him.

So, there we go... my kiddos. All 7 of them. Motherhood and life holds many challenges and obstacles, but they all definitely make it worthwhile.