Mother Jugs

Ahhhhh... breastfeeding. Nutrition, love and comfort all rolled up into one. I have a love/hate relationship with it. As my oldest daughter turned 11 last week, that makes almost 12 years straight of either being pregnant and/or breastfeeding. Some of my most precious memories are of nursing my children... a 4 mos old baby Kayla gazing up at me, milk dribbling out of her toothless smiling mouth... minutes old TJ latching onto my breast like a famished barracuda... Jaiden gazing up at me as he stroked my face, looking full of wonder... Ava making "mmmmmm" noises as she fills her tummy full of mommy's sweet milk. It's absolutely mind blowing to me how our bodies are able to create, carry and birth an human being and then make food to sustain it's life once on the outside. Coming home from an exhausting and hectic day at work nothing is better than curling up on my bed with my baby to nurse, the rush of oxytocin surging down into my toes to relax me into waves of love and contentment.

Then there's the flip side... nipples sore and tender from a teething baby who thinks nipples are their own personal toy for abuse... babies who think that the "big mama's" are there to be their own personal pacifier to ease into sleep... heaven forbid it be taken out of their mouth, and let's forget that they are attached to Mom! Then we have babies who believe that the nipple currently not being used is there solely for their personal entertainment while nursing on the other side... fisher price never knew that such an amazing toy existed, none other than a mommy's nipple! We have big babies wanting to nurse while standing up with their butts in their air and twisting their torso's, babies who try to look around and turn their heads-nipple still in mouth, of course... we then have toddlers who, when attempting to wean them, lie in bed screaming "help me, mama! Help me!" and even worse are the toddlers unwilling to latch correctly and therefor putting Mom into a human meat grinder.

Ahhhh... mommyhood. For now, I have to sign off... I have a demanding 16 mos old clawing at my leg while throwing her head back and wailing. Must be nah-nah time.

Nature versus nurture....

It's the classic debate, biology vs environment... being a step-parent, this debate takes a different flavor all together.. what makes a mother? Is it genetics? Or is it being there through good times and bad, teaching and loving and nurturing? Being there when the children are sick, taking them to doctor's appointments, hugging them when hearts are broken or buying a new dress for their first dance.. the answer to me, tends to be blantantly obvious. In the words of my incredibly wise, then 5 year old stepson, "A mother gives birth to you, a Mommy takes care of you".

It's easy to take the road of not being present when convenient, being checked out so to speak and then appearing like magic when things are easy to claim the glory... I don't need a monument in my honor. My own personal glory is etched in the love I get in return... catching my first "step" granddaughter into my hands to give her to her mother's waiting arms at her birth, listening to my son play a son in my honor on his guitar that he learned because he knows I love it, my other son referring to me as "the only mother he knows". In this cases biology is just that... the study of cells, which in the scheme of life's importance have little meaning.

"How long do you wanna be loved?? Is forever enough 'cause I'm never never giving you up...."