It's the classic debate, biology vs environment... being a step-parent, this debate takes a different flavor all together.. what makes a mother? Is it genetics? Or is it being there through good times and bad, teaching and loving and nurturing? Being there when the children are sick, taking them to doctor's appointments, hugging them when hearts are broken or buying a new dress for their first dance.. the answer to me, tends to be blantantly obvious. In the words of my incredibly wise, then 5 year old stepson, "A mother gives birth to you, a Mommy takes care of you".
It's easy to take the road of not being present when convenient, being checked out so to speak and then appearing like magic when things are easy to claim the glory... I don't need a monument in my honor. My own personal glory is etched in the love I get in return... catching my first "step" granddaughter into my hands to give her to her mother's waiting arms at her birth, listening to my son play a son in my honor on his guitar that he learned because he knows I love it, my other son referring to me as "the only mother he knows". In this cases biology is just that... the study of cells, which in the scheme of life's importance have little meaning.
"How long do you wanna be loved?? Is forever enough 'cause I'm never never giving you up...."
So glad to see you updating your blog, dear Janelle. Please don't be a stranger.
ReplyDeleteI think being a mother comes from loving a child with your entire soul and being. I could do the mundane tasks of mothering for any child. But going through the motions isn't what makes me a mother. The tight, aching feeling in my chest when I look at the round slope of her cheek in sleep; the insatiable desire to rub my face against hers, kiss her, smell her hair; the complete willingness to lay down my life for her at a moment's notice---that's what makes me feel like a mother. That's something you can't fake or create, it just comes to you, like a blessing.