Driving home tonight the moon was big and full breaking through the one clear part of the sky.. so golden that it looked like an egg yolk sitting in sea of whispers of clouds.. quite a beautiful display considering our cloudy Pac Northwest skies that one gets accustomed to. Sometimes it's hard to remember that there are clear moons and skies full of stars out there.
More women are said to go into labor on full moons... today also is 11/11/11 which is estimated to be a big day for babies being born due to planned inductions (don't get me started on that one..). I, however, had the honor just a few nights ago to attend a beautiful, spontaneous, out-of-hospital birth... it's births like that that manage to take my breath away. Mama working to birth her baby out of her own power and strength... surrounded by those who love, respect and care for her. No one demanding anything, or yelling at her..no one threatening her with procedures or arbitary time frames....baby never leaving mama or a set of arms that love him/her. Just respect and reverance for her body and it's ability to know how best to birth her baby. That's how it is truly meant to be.
I was just thinking, on my drive home looking at the pregnant moon, about the first birth I ever attended. I was four years post-doula training (never imagining that I'd actually doula when I took the class). I had a good knowledge base about pregnancy and birth, but felt useless at the birth. In retrospect, I worked hard.. I was sore for a few days afterwards, having been contorted between a tub and a dresser to support Mom. Never the less, it reminded me of how critical one can be of themselves... I always wonder "did I do a good enough job?", "is there something I could have done better/different?", "did I add value as the doula or did I just feel like an extraneous person?". It seems like these questions are always easy to answer when I provide a very active, physical role in the birth (doing massage, counterpressure, rebozo work, holding Mom, etc) as opposed to when Mom just needs someone to hold the space, assure her all is normal, give encouragement and supportive words and offer gentle suggestions.
Sometimes, however, that's all that birthing women need... and they will forever remember that kind, encouraging words were spoken to them in their most vulnerable moment. One thing I will always remember is while pushing my youngest son out, my midwife saying "You know how to do this" almost in a whisper. She was right.. I did and those words echoed through my brain, giving me the encouragement I needed. It was nothing to her... just a small phrase, but something I will always remember~ someone believed in me, believed in my body and trusted in my ability to trust myself. Things like that are invaluable... and hoping in some small way I can do the same for other women as they birth their babies.
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