Nursing in public being debated... again

Today marked a nationwide nurse-in at national retailer Target.. an effort driven by a nursing mother being asked to use the dressing room at a Houston, TX Target and then being made to feel humiliated by the store employees after declining.  This nurse-in has ellicted an enormous amount of debate from both sides of the discussion.

Myself, living in Washington state, the right to nurse in public is sanctioned by state law.  The law deems that any place that a woman is allowed, she has the legal right to nurse there as well.  Having nursed four children I can personally attest to having nursed in malls, restaurants, parks, coffee shops, churches, airports, to name a few.  My nursing experience has spanned over thirteen years and I have been incredibly fortunate to never have been on the receiving end of a negative comment. 

Shouldn't nursing mothers cover up? Opponents claim that nursing is "ok" only when done in private or when a mother is covered.  One point is "why should they have to?".  State law does not include this provision and many nursing babies will not tolerate having their heads covered. If we apply this same logic, that a show of breasts is indecent, why then can my children see billboards for Victoria Secret's models with more of their breasts showing in small lingerie than most nursing moms show? Why is it then Ok and acceptable for ads such as these to be marketed in general public areas, but not socially acceptable for a fraction of skin to be seen on a nursing mother?

You can breastfeed in the bathroom/car.  Would you like to eat your lunch in a public restroom? I know I wouldn't.  I try to avoid them whenever possible as they tend to be fairly gross.  Should my child have to eat that way? No, of course not.  I prefer not to have my meal next to someone who is voiding their bowels or changing their tampon. Dressing rooms can be a great option... for myself, if I happened to be out with any other children, this option was not reasonable.  Could you picture me in small dressing room, baby on the breast with three other children crowded into there as well? Pretty laughable.

How about the car? Not everyone owns a car or sometimes weather conditions make car nursing unfavorable (too hot/too cold).  It's not feasible to leave a car running for 30 minutes with the A/C or heater running when one could be inside instead.

Feed your baby before you leave home.  Good try on that one.  Many Moms *do* feed their babies before leaving the house.  Does that mean that said baby isn't going through a growth spurt and needing to nurse more often? Does that mean he or she may not get hungry before the trip is over? Babies, when hungry, need to eat.  They do not understand waiting and their needs deserve to be met.  It's fairly simple.  I get hungry sometimes while out running errands... and you know what? I grab a snack.

Don't leave home. In who's reality is this in?? This isn't the 1950's and I have no desire to be cooped up.  Sometimes I have errands to run that cannot wait.. prescriptions to be picked up, groceries, doctors appointments, so on and so forth.  Sometimes, like anyone else, I like to get out of the house "just because".  It's healthy and can be refreshing.  Life happens and continues, babies are part of life.. eating is part of life.. one can then assess that babies eating are part of life.  You get the picture.

Bring a bottle/pump milk to bring with you.  I know some mothers who weren't comfortable with public nursing and this was a great option for them.  Other Moms, like myself, are another story.  My children would not take a bottle.  Ever. At all.  Not to mention, had they been willing, if we had to be out for an extended period of time and I provided a bottle in lieu of nursing, I would have experienced pain and engorgement from the missed nursing session.  Especially in the beginning, when supply is being established, this could be detrimental to some mother's milk supply.  With my first baby, this would have resulted in a blouse soaked in breastmilk (yes, even with wearing nursing pads).  Which is more embarassing?? Nursing or me participating in a "wet t-shirt contest"?? Or how about my nursing in a public area versus not and subsequently developing mastitis, becoming incredibly ill and not being able to adequately care for my children while I recover from the world's worst "flu"? I personally will elect for the former and risk offending someone as a result of concern for my health, as well as my child's. 

Women who nurse in public are selfish/only want attention/are disrespectful of others.  In short, get over yourselves.  When Moms nurse their babies, in public or elsewhere, they are doing it for the benefit of their bub.  In an ideal society, nursing would be so normal that no one would even bat an eye at seeing a nursing mom and baby.  The last thing most women want is to draw attention to themselves... regardless of this, they also recognize the needs of their child to eat supercede this and that attention may be drawn in some way.  I was always Ok with this.  My child comes first...his/her needs and physiological needs are more important than the potential of unwanted attention or the fact another may be uncomfortable about my child's method of eating.  I may be uncomfortable with seeing 300 lb men with their shirts off at the lake, but hey- I just don't chose to look. Whatever.

There are many, many more arguments that have been put out there, but that's the sum of it.. put simply, however, is that regardless of one's opinion on whether or not women *should* nurse in public or *how* they should do it or an opinion on what an acceptable arbitrary age may or may not be, the fact of the matter is that the LEGAL right to is protected by state law in many states, such as Washington and Texas.  That simple point is not up for debate and opinions on the should's and should not's are moot in these cases. 

How about this? In a nation where diabetes and obesity are astronomically on the rise, especially in our young children, why wouldn't we want to support Moms out there who work to give their children what's both nutrionally normal and best? Kudos to every Mom out there who does this... and to those who continue to fight for the rights of other mothers and children. 

Seven years ago, we were expecting our third baby.  His estimated "guess" date was December 26th, however having had babes #1 and #2 at 38 weeks, I was sure he'd come well before that.  Staying true to the old tale that third babies are the wild card, he decided to stay put.. content to stay nestled in mama's body. 

December 23rd brought many contractions... up to four minutes apart, without intensifying.  I grew tired and frustrated.  Christmas evening, following a wonderful family dinner, I stayed up trying to encourage some contractions by doing some pressure points.  I would get some feeble ones that would peter out as soon as I stopped.  I went to bed frustrated and moody. 

Forty-five minutes later or so, a contraction woke me up slightly.. just enough I needed to breathe through it.  My husband was still awake and commented that it must have been good to have woken me up.  They continued to come sporadically and would change depending on the position I was in.  Lying on my side, they were too intense and uncomfortable.  Sitting didn't feel good and standing was better... if I sat on the toilet, they would never stop coming.  I called my midwife at 5am who encouraged me to go back to sleep, sounding skeptical that it was "it" based upon the irregular pattern.  My daughter, 6 at the time, woke up and helped me to take a bath and change clothes.  At 6am I woke the household..if we weren't going NOW, we weren't going at ALL. 

Walking out just to the car was a challenge and everytime a wave would come I would have to hold onto someone.. in the car, a mere ten minute drive from the freestanding birth center, I had a contraction that peaked three times.  I recall yelling at my husband to slow down to which he replied that he couldn't as he was already going 25 mph in a 35 zone. 

My midwife was there when we arrived, the birth center warm and cozy and the tub was being filled.  The room was dimly lit was small candles, bathing the room in a soft, inviting light. I remember sinking into the bliss of the warm water, melting into it... it felt amazing.  A large pressure was growing in my back, however, and it was hard to get comfortable.  Before I knew it, my body was pushing down on it's own.. "Wait! I'm not ready" and began tensing my bottom... knowing that was counter-productive, I began to blow through loose lips like a camel, making it difficult to fight the urge.   I began to listen to my body and push down.. "Is he posterior?" I asked, wondering if the back of his head was against my back, thus causing all the back pressure.  I was told, no- they didn't think so as I continued to work.. within minutes the top of his head was visible along with the announcement that yes, he was definitely posterior (mamas know, I tell you!).  Born up to his ears, I reached down and could feel his left ear.. it was so surreal- this was my baby!

Resting between contractions, he started to "bounce" as if trying to speed things up and work to get himself out. A big strong push, hands reaching down, and my little baby boy was in my awaiting hands, brought up onto my chest.  My sweet, new boy didn't cry... his lower lip pouted out, as if in protest, and started to quiver.  It was a peaceful, amazing birth. 

Two hours later we were home, nestled into bed..content and undisturbed, just as it should be. 

Happy Birthday, sweet Jaiden.

Busy bee!

This past month has felt a little on the hectic side. At the end of October I began the last class needed as a pre-req for midwifery school- a course I had happened to take years and years ago that had been disrupted by an illness. My resulting C in the class wasn't adequate so I had to take it once again. Thinking it would merely be review was an understatement and the need to "review" an entire textbook on Anatomy and Physiology, learn it all, take two midterms and a final, all via a distance course in the span of a short time, was a little overwhelming. Wait, I lie- it was utterly stressful.

A little more than a week into November saw a beautiful birth followed by a trip to Portland that next week- an important trip! My interview for midwifery school. I would like to say that it went well, but it's so hard to tell. What makes it even harder was that the following day, at a meet and greet, I met other women who were applying and I must say that the competition is harsh!

I have had my regular school classes going on, as well, in addition to kids and work. Needless to say, I am happy November is over and we are well into December! This past week I finished A&P and have ordered my transcripts (they have to be received by 12/31), finishing the class with a B+. Not too shabby considering I did it in about five weeks! Now it's a waiting game until sometime next month, to find out how much they like me...

In the meantime, I have an article coming out in March in the spring Midwifery Today issue. It's about my thirteen year breastfeeding journey... I am incredibly excited. I also am available for births from now through March... I can see nothing better than starting the new year with welcoming some new lives into this world and hopefully receiving news that I will be able to begin my path into midwifery later that year!

type="text/javascript" src="http://doulamatch.net/js/jquery-cal.js"
>type="text/javascript">$(document).ready(function() { loadcal(4253, 'Birth',
'Medium') });

Welcome, baby W!

Ahhhh... there aren't many things better than seeing a new, beaming family and getting to hold a sweet, newborn baby, fresh out of the package!

Birthin' Babies

Driving home tonight the moon was big and full breaking through the one clear part of the sky.. so golden that it looked like an egg yolk sitting in sea of whispers of clouds.. quite a beautiful display considering our cloudy Pac Northwest skies that one gets accustomed to. Sometimes it's hard to remember that there are clear moons and skies full of stars out there.

More women are said to go into labor on full moons... today also is 11/11/11 which is estimated to be a big day for babies being born due to planned inductions (don't get me started on that one..). I, however, had the honor just a few nights ago to attend a beautiful, spontaneous, out-of-hospital birth... it's births like that that manage to take my breath away. Mama working to birth her baby out of her own power and strength... surrounded by those who love, respect and care for her. No one demanding anything, or yelling at her..no one threatening her with procedures or arbitary time frames....baby never leaving mama or a set of arms that love him/her. Just respect and reverance for her body and it's ability to know how best to birth her baby. That's how it is truly meant to be.

I was just thinking, on my drive home looking at the pregnant moon, about the first birth I ever attended. I was four years post-doula training (never imagining that I'd actually doula when I took the class). I had a good knowledge base about pregnancy and birth, but felt useless at the birth. In retrospect, I worked hard.. I was sore for a few days afterwards, having been contorted between a tub and a dresser to support Mom. Never the less, it reminded me of how critical one can be of themselves... I always wonder "did I do a good enough job?", "is there something I could have done better/different?", "did I add value as the doula or did I just feel like an extraneous person?". It seems like these questions are always easy to answer when I provide a very active, physical role in the birth (doing massage, counterpressure, rebozo work, holding Mom, etc) as opposed to when Mom just needs someone to hold the space, assure her all is normal, give encouragement and supportive words and offer gentle suggestions.

Sometimes, however, that's all that birthing women need... and they will forever remember that kind, encouraging words were spoken to them in their most vulnerable moment. One thing I will always remember is while pushing my youngest son out, my midwife saying "You know how to do this" almost in a whisper. She was right.. I did and those words echoed through my brain, giving me the encouragement I needed. It was nothing to her... just a small phrase, but something I will always remember~ someone believed in me, believed in my body and trusted in my ability to trust myself. Things like that are invaluable... and hoping in some small way I can do the same for other women as they birth their babies.

End of and era..

I have blogged multiple times about breastfeeding... I always knew that it was something I wanted to do, though I can't recall any specific reasons as to why. I don't remember having a lot of real life examples, other than the four months my Mom nursed my sister and seeing one aunt nurse my cousin for a bit. It just seemed to be what was supposed to be done and I did not go into it with any preconceived notions as to what it would be like, other than I wanted to go a year per the AAP's recommendations at the time.

When I gave birth to my first child, I was not prepared for the obstacles that I would face in wanting to nurse her. At the hospital, I remember seeing notes that our nursing sessions were merely "fair", though no one offered to help me. She was born on a Monday evening, we were home on Wednesday and my milk came in on Thursday~coincidentally the same day her jaundiced decided to worsen. My baby would not wake up to nurse and I was engorged with no form of relief in sight. The following day a visit from a nurse confirmed the increased jaundice and the fact that it makes babies lethargic. She patiently worked with me to encourage my little one to latch on, with no success and left me with a quality breastpump, a control flow bottle and instructions to pump often and continue to offer the breast. I was devastated, thinking my daughter would never nurse. A week later, after a grueling time of offering her the breast, pumping, "forcing" her to drink an ounce here and there from the bottle, she finally latched and our nursing journey began.

My first baby nursed until she was 2 1/2 years old...way longer than I ever expected or even fathomed would be "normal". When she weaned, it was her decision to stop and it was gentle and perfect.

Fast forward almost ten years later to the birth of my fourth and final baby. She had been preceeded by her two brothers, who both latch on like hungry barracudas following their births up until they weaned at two and two and a half, respectively. Despite being a drug-free homebirth, she was a struggle to latch on and we battled for several weeks to establish an effective breastfeeding relationship. This past year, now three years later, she has not grown any less fonder of her "nah-nah's" and would have been content to nurse all day should I let her.

I am sad to say, she and I effectively weaned a few weeks ago. She still wants skin to skin time with me, placing her soft cheek on my breast and going to sleep. It feels strange, knowing that this part of my life is over, though I knew it would be one day. This, just short of my oldest's thirteenth birthday, thus entering me into a new era (of having a teenager...eek!). Despite the challenges, the sore nipples and blisters, the nights where I would have a toddler who would want to stay latched all through the night, the loss of having my body to myself, smelling like sour milk, soaking shirts and sheets and having to pay more attention to what I put into my body, I can honestly say that every moment of it was worth every single bit.

Worth it to gaze down and see a sleepy baby's milky smile looking back at me... worth it every time I could ease a boo-boo or bad dream or even the trauma of a shot or a blood draw with mama's milk... worth it knowing that I gave my all to give my children the best that *I* could do for them in this way... worth it knowing that all my other children, as well as my stepchildren, had the chance to see nursing as a normal part of life and hopefully impacting them to do the same for their own children.

I close this chapter with a sense of both sadness, joy and a feeling of accomplishment.

Labor Support

I love being a doula.

Back in 2001, I took the Labor Support Course for Birth Doulas at Seattle Midwifery with none other than the amazing Penny Simkin (author of the Birth Partner, among other things). At the time, I was 9 weeks pregnant with my second child; the tools I learned were invaluable as I birthed my son unmedicated with a midwife at a birth center. Two years later, I attended my first birth as a doula for a dear friend and have been hooked ever since.

Don't get me wrong... the work is hard and labor intensive. I have walked away from births and found myself sore for days later. On top of lack of sleep, time away from family, the challenges of being on call.. there are definite challenges present. What makes up for it is when you have a Mom look into your eyes for reassurance that everything is going Ok.. when you can do something to ease the intense sensations that result from labor and birth... when you watch that tiny, new baby slip into this world and see the look of pure exaltation and joy on a mother's face as her newborn is layed on her chest. It is almost as if you can see the veils lift between heaven and earth to let that new little life through. It is amazing.

Up until now, I have done just a few births here and there each year. This year so far will be my busiest yet, with four births. I have made the decision to start regularly offering both birth and postpartum doula services. Helping moms, babies and new families has been my passion (as anyone could likely see from reading this blog) and it's about time I started doing something I love more often.

My business, Babymoon Birth Services, has been created to support families in the Whatcom County area. Offering birth doula services... as well as offering postpartum services such as care for other children, running errands, housework, helping with new baby... I am excited for this new venture!

Who does birth belong to?

I have been pondering this question as of late, for several reasons. All too often in the birthing community I have heard birth workers, whether it be midwives, doulas, physicians, whomever, refer to the birthing women with a sense of ownership. When birth workers begin to use phrases when speaking of the birthing women they serve and the word "my" enters into the conversation (MY client, MY first/tenth/one hundredth birth, etc), a shift occurs. Birth is no longer quite belonging to that woman and her baby, rather that practitioner is assuming a piece of ownership.

Why should this be a problem? The birthing community wants women to take back their pregnancies, births and babies into their own hands. In order for this to happen, full ownership and responsibility needs to be given to these women. Without this, we will continue to hear the same dis-empowered phrases: "My doctor won't let me....", "My midwife made me...", "I can't...". Choices will continued to be made out of fear, rather than from a place of knowledge and empowerment. I believe this slippery slope, of birth being owned not by the mother, is what has led our society down the road of an over thirty percent cesarean section rate, the induction epidemic and rising maternity costs.

The United States continues to see abysmal maternal and infant mortality rates, despite our high health care costs and sophisticated technology. Fear of litigation rules many ways that practitioners chose to care for birthing women, rather than using evidence-based care. Women are scared into inductions with horror stories about how they are putting their babies at risk by continuing their uneventful, low-risk pregnancy. Failed inductions, a result of one's body and/or baby not being ready to birth, force healthy women into major surgery to birth their babies, resulting in a feeling of failure or as if their body is somehow "broken". Who owns these scare tactics? Certainly not birthing women.

What would our world look like if, in return, women were provided autonomy of choice? If homebirth was not something out of reach for many women due to state laws or lack of insurance coverage? What would it look like if birth workers said "what do YOU think?" or "How do YOU feel about x,y, z?" rather than forcing their own views? What kind of society could we build if women were treated with love, respect and reverence through the process of building their families? Might we see, in return, that same reverence relayed back onto the child that they birth, contributing to a kinder, gentler world?

It starts right here. Any woman I serve (birth work is an act of servitude) does not belong to me; her birth is not mine to claim or own. I am hers to support in any decision, regardless of the choice she makes and whether or not what she decides would have been my own choice or not. In doing so, her birth remains her own; something she does in her own power and is responsible for. An act she will never forget and can feel a sense of pride and honor over.

Change begins with all us. Who does birth belong to? It belongs to women.