Welcome, baby W!

Ahhhh... there aren't many things better than seeing a new, beaming family and getting to hold a sweet, newborn baby, fresh out of the package!

Birthin' Babies

Driving home tonight the moon was big and full breaking through the one clear part of the sky.. so golden that it looked like an egg yolk sitting in sea of whispers of clouds.. quite a beautiful display considering our cloudy Pac Northwest skies that one gets accustomed to. Sometimes it's hard to remember that there are clear moons and skies full of stars out there.

More women are said to go into labor on full moons... today also is 11/11/11 which is estimated to be a big day for babies being born due to planned inductions (don't get me started on that one..). I, however, had the honor just a few nights ago to attend a beautiful, spontaneous, out-of-hospital birth... it's births like that that manage to take my breath away. Mama working to birth her baby out of her own power and strength... surrounded by those who love, respect and care for her. No one demanding anything, or yelling at her..no one threatening her with procedures or arbitary time frames....baby never leaving mama or a set of arms that love him/her. Just respect and reverance for her body and it's ability to know how best to birth her baby. That's how it is truly meant to be.

I was just thinking, on my drive home looking at the pregnant moon, about the first birth I ever attended. I was four years post-doula training (never imagining that I'd actually doula when I took the class). I had a good knowledge base about pregnancy and birth, but felt useless at the birth. In retrospect, I worked hard.. I was sore for a few days afterwards, having been contorted between a tub and a dresser to support Mom. Never the less, it reminded me of how critical one can be of themselves... I always wonder "did I do a good enough job?", "is there something I could have done better/different?", "did I add value as the doula or did I just feel like an extraneous person?". It seems like these questions are always easy to answer when I provide a very active, physical role in the birth (doing massage, counterpressure, rebozo work, holding Mom, etc) as opposed to when Mom just needs someone to hold the space, assure her all is normal, give encouragement and supportive words and offer gentle suggestions.

Sometimes, however, that's all that birthing women need... and they will forever remember that kind, encouraging words were spoken to them in their most vulnerable moment. One thing I will always remember is while pushing my youngest son out, my midwife saying "You know how to do this" almost in a whisper. She was right.. I did and those words echoed through my brain, giving me the encouragement I needed. It was nothing to her... just a small phrase, but something I will always remember~ someone believed in me, believed in my body and trusted in my ability to trust myself. Things like that are invaluable... and hoping in some small way I can do the same for other women as they birth their babies.

End of and era..

I have blogged multiple times about breastfeeding... I always knew that it was something I wanted to do, though I can't recall any specific reasons as to why. I don't remember having a lot of real life examples, other than the four months my Mom nursed my sister and seeing one aunt nurse my cousin for a bit. It just seemed to be what was supposed to be done and I did not go into it with any preconceived notions as to what it would be like, other than I wanted to go a year per the AAP's recommendations at the time.

When I gave birth to my first child, I was not prepared for the obstacles that I would face in wanting to nurse her. At the hospital, I remember seeing notes that our nursing sessions were merely "fair", though no one offered to help me. She was born on a Monday evening, we were home on Wednesday and my milk came in on Thursday~coincidentally the same day her jaundiced decided to worsen. My baby would not wake up to nurse and I was engorged with no form of relief in sight. The following day a visit from a nurse confirmed the increased jaundice and the fact that it makes babies lethargic. She patiently worked with me to encourage my little one to latch on, with no success and left me with a quality breastpump, a control flow bottle and instructions to pump often and continue to offer the breast. I was devastated, thinking my daughter would never nurse. A week later, after a grueling time of offering her the breast, pumping, "forcing" her to drink an ounce here and there from the bottle, she finally latched and our nursing journey began.

My first baby nursed until she was 2 1/2 years old...way longer than I ever expected or even fathomed would be "normal". When she weaned, it was her decision to stop and it was gentle and perfect.

Fast forward almost ten years later to the birth of my fourth and final baby. She had been preceeded by her two brothers, who both latch on like hungry barracudas following their births up until they weaned at two and two and a half, respectively. Despite being a drug-free homebirth, she was a struggle to latch on and we battled for several weeks to establish an effective breastfeeding relationship. This past year, now three years later, she has not grown any less fonder of her "nah-nah's" and would have been content to nurse all day should I let her.

I am sad to say, she and I effectively weaned a few weeks ago. She still wants skin to skin time with me, placing her soft cheek on my breast and going to sleep. It feels strange, knowing that this part of my life is over, though I knew it would be one day. This, just short of my oldest's thirteenth birthday, thus entering me into a new era (of having a teenager...eek!). Despite the challenges, the sore nipples and blisters, the nights where I would have a toddler who would want to stay latched all through the night, the loss of having my body to myself, smelling like sour milk, soaking shirts and sheets and having to pay more attention to what I put into my body, I can honestly say that every moment of it was worth every single bit.

Worth it to gaze down and see a sleepy baby's milky smile looking back at me... worth it every time I could ease a boo-boo or bad dream or even the trauma of a shot or a blood draw with mama's milk... worth it knowing that I gave my all to give my children the best that *I* could do for them in this way... worth it knowing that all my other children, as well as my stepchildren, had the chance to see nursing as a normal part of life and hopefully impacting them to do the same for their own children.

I close this chapter with a sense of both sadness, joy and a feeling of accomplishment.

Labor Support

I love being a doula.

Back in 2001, I took the Labor Support Course for Birth Doulas at Seattle Midwifery with none other than the amazing Penny Simkin (author of the Birth Partner, among other things). At the time, I was 9 weeks pregnant with my second child; the tools I learned were invaluable as I birthed my son unmedicated with a midwife at a birth center. Two years later, I attended my first birth as a doula for a dear friend and have been hooked ever since.

Don't get me wrong... the work is hard and labor intensive. I have walked away from births and found myself sore for days later. On top of lack of sleep, time away from family, the challenges of being on call.. there are definite challenges present. What makes up for it is when you have a Mom look into your eyes for reassurance that everything is going Ok.. when you can do something to ease the intense sensations that result from labor and birth... when you watch that tiny, new baby slip into this world and see the look of pure exaltation and joy on a mother's face as her newborn is layed on her chest. It is almost as if you can see the veils lift between heaven and earth to let that new little life through. It is amazing.

Up until now, I have done just a few births here and there each year. This year so far will be my busiest yet, with four births. I have made the decision to start regularly offering both birth and postpartum doula services. Helping moms, babies and new families has been my passion (as anyone could likely see from reading this blog) and it's about time I started doing something I love more often.

My business, Babymoon Birth Services, has been created to support families in the Whatcom County area. Offering birth doula services... as well as offering postpartum services such as care for other children, running errands, housework, helping with new baby... I am excited for this new venture!

Who does birth belong to?

I have been pondering this question as of late, for several reasons. All too often in the birthing community I have heard birth workers, whether it be midwives, doulas, physicians, whomever, refer to the birthing women with a sense of ownership. When birth workers begin to use phrases when speaking of the birthing women they serve and the word "my" enters into the conversation (MY client, MY first/tenth/one hundredth birth, etc), a shift occurs. Birth is no longer quite belonging to that woman and her baby, rather that practitioner is assuming a piece of ownership.

Why should this be a problem? The birthing community wants women to take back their pregnancies, births and babies into their own hands. In order for this to happen, full ownership and responsibility needs to be given to these women. Without this, we will continue to hear the same dis-empowered phrases: "My doctor won't let me....", "My midwife made me...", "I can't...". Choices will continued to be made out of fear, rather than from a place of knowledge and empowerment. I believe this slippery slope, of birth being owned not by the mother, is what has led our society down the road of an over thirty percent cesarean section rate, the induction epidemic and rising maternity costs.

The United States continues to see abysmal maternal and infant mortality rates, despite our high health care costs and sophisticated technology. Fear of litigation rules many ways that practitioners chose to care for birthing women, rather than using evidence-based care. Women are scared into inductions with horror stories about how they are putting their babies at risk by continuing their uneventful, low-risk pregnancy. Failed inductions, a result of one's body and/or baby not being ready to birth, force healthy women into major surgery to birth their babies, resulting in a feeling of failure or as if their body is somehow "broken". Who owns these scare tactics? Certainly not birthing women.

What would our world look like if, in return, women were provided autonomy of choice? If homebirth was not something out of reach for many women due to state laws or lack of insurance coverage? What would it look like if birth workers said "what do YOU think?" or "How do YOU feel about x,y, z?" rather than forcing their own views? What kind of society could we build if women were treated with love, respect and reverence through the process of building their families? Might we see, in return, that same reverence relayed back onto the child that they birth, contributing to a kinder, gentler world?

It starts right here. Any woman I serve (birth work is an act of servitude) does not belong to me; her birth is not mine to claim or own. I am hers to support in any decision, regardless of the choice she makes and whether or not what she decides would have been my own choice or not. In doing so, her birth remains her own; something she does in her own power and is responsible for. An act she will never forget and can feel a sense of pride and honor over.

Change begins with all us. Who does birth belong to? It belongs to women.